Kym And Mark Hilinski Use Foundation Work To Honor Late Son, Raise Mental Health Awareness
Forbes
There was a fleeting catch in Kym Hilinski’s voice while she described her and husband Mark’s now regular travel schedule, where the couple visits universities around the country to discuss their son Tyler with young student athletes.
“It’s trauma that we’re experiencing,” said Kym Hilinski in a recent interview. “We live with that trauma every time we share Tyler’s story. But we really believe there is another Tyler out there, listening to us, and if we can change or save one life, that’s our purpose.”
The Hilinskis have relived their unfathomable loss daily for over five years. On January 16, 2018, Kym and Mark’s middle son, Tyler, died by suicide in his Pullman, Washington apartment, where he was a quarterback at Washington State University. Tyler was 21.
Later that year, Kym and Mark started the “Hilinski’s Hope” non-profit foundation, with a mission to de-stigmatize mental illness and help educate all age groups — but particularly young students and student athletes — about the importance of mental well-being and what resources are available to help individuals who face those challenges.
And while the Hilinskis’ journey is a fulfilling one for the audiences they reach and the message they impart, Kym said that since Tyler’s death, she and Mark and their other two sons, Kelly and Ryan, live with an enormous void and still search for answers to why Tyler took his life.
“Are we closer to figuring out the ‘why’? I don’t think so,” said Kym Hilinski. “The counselors, mental health professionals, they told us when we first lost Tyler — when we were going through therapy, individually and group therapy – that life would start returning to normal, whatever ‘normal’ is. It’s been over five and a half years and really, we aren’t much closer to finding the ‘why.’ ”
Instead, Mark and Kym continue to push the foundation’s message forward, and Mark said he’s seen positive gains with this issue — whether it’s professional athletes like tennis player Naomi Osaka and NBA veteran Kevin Love going public with their past struggles; universities that the Hilinskis have visited devoting more money and effort to mental health resources for student athletes; or using “Hilinski’s Hope” to continue the conversation about mental health awareness.
“Over the last five years, have we seen stigma reduction? I think, clearly we have,” said Mark Hilinski. “‘Hilinski’s Hope’ and many other groups like us have been working on that front. I think the way we do that is to continue to have these kinds of conversations about mental health, about suicide, about the struggles that our athletes go through, and what might be unique to them.
“By telling Tyler’s story, and being out there in front of student athletes, we’re trying to lead by example.”
“I think we have to move away from the ‘pull you up by your bootstraps’ kind of mentality, and remind kids, at any age, that they’re supported,” said Dr. Stephen Hebard, the chief innovation officer at Prevention Strategies, an athlete mental health resources arm of the Institute to Promote Athlete Health & Wellness at UNC Greensboro. Prevention Strategies is partnered with “Hilinski’s Hope.”
“And remind anyone that they can get access to help if necessary,” said Hebard. “The more that we normalize conversations about what’s happening in our mind, what we feel, and how those things impact the way that we behave, the better.”
Kelly Hilinski, the oldest of Kym and Mark’s sons, is a chemist with Pace Analytical and played football at Columbia University, and later Weber State. Ryan, 22, the youngest, is a quarterback at Northwestern after first playing at South Carolina. He had a decorated high school career at Orange Lutheran in Orange County, Calif., but his collegiate playing plans were upended after his brother’s death.
Complicating matters was the troubling news that Tyler’s brain scans showed signs of CTE, chronic traumatic encephalopathy, the degenerative brain disease that is partly caused by repeated head trauma, and which can only be diagnosed after death.
“We’re always very honest and transparent,” said Kym Hilinski. “(Ryan) is a strong kid. But he’s struggling too. He lost his brother and his best friend. He’s playing a sport that his brother loved and that he loves. So, it’s difficult. We sat Ryan down after the CTE (diagnosis), and said, ‘Ryan, we don’t know if football caused the CTE with Tyler. There is a risk.’ Football was something Ryan wanted to continue.
“We worry every single second of every single day about Ryan. We got an apartment in Evanston (Ill.) to be close to him,” she continued.
When they aren’t parenting Ryan, the Hilinskis continue the foundation work, share Tyler’s story, with the hope that their talks will have impact and effect change for the better in this field.
“Every day that Tyler’s not here is terrible,” said Kym Hilinski. “I think he would have put so much good into this world. I honestly think he still is.”
